Perspectives

I couldn’t resist sharing this snippet. In the nature / nurture argument my response is always YES to both. However this clip could sway me to support that there are somethings simply hardwired in.

<iframe src="http://www.snotr.com/embed/2630" width="400" height="330" frameborder="0">iframe>

Declaration: I am not sentimental as far as Hallmark holidays such as Valentines go. However we are all in relationships at work and at home and February is a perfect excuse to explore relationship related themes.

Do you ever meet couples that seem so different from each other that you wonder what the attraction is? Sometimes things appear to be ticking along quite nicely, but some couples seem to swim in drama. Some people seem to be addicted to the adrenaline that pumps through their bodies when they are immersed in these high drama relationships. My theory is that “opposites attract” when we are younger, but that new relationships in later years are more about finding similarities. Having these differences in play in our twenties and early thirties helps us to learn about who we are and to smooth off any jagged edges because we have something to bump up against.

Dr Pat Comley, professionally trained coach and a professor at Ryerson University in Toronto, has a Doctorate in Applied Psychology and Counseling Education. She agrees that this has been the case for her and that this typically holds true for those she has worked with.

Later in life, things that were once important simply fall off your radar screen. You can’t help but come to terms with various aspects of your life (that is if you live long enough.) For those who have worked out a lot of the kinks surrounding their identity and what’s important, the kind of tension that surfaces between different personality preferences may lack appeal. At a certain point a person may find indeed that having commonalities has become more attractive. Sharing and engagement based on mutuality may not sound sexy but I like it and it works.

In a business context this could be a trickier consideration. Many (most) people are drawn to hire others who are like they are: “I found a perfect hire … they do everything just the way I like it.” The problem is that you have doubled your possible “blind spot” and could be heading toward the insidiousness of “group think” if you don’t have some balance of preferences and styles on your team. It is much wiser to hire for the job and find someone with the strengths and capacity to perform that role. Making business relationship choices are definitely “head” and “gut” considerations not only “heart” ones.

As for love – a touch of magic may always be an essential ingredient that goes beyond surface considerations like sameness vs difference. However from where I stand on the other side of “young”- life is too short for struggle –engagement and connection YES but who has time for the drama that extreme differences or unhealthy development can foster? If you are young and reading this or an adventure junkie, I know you will ignore me. The drama is seductive. No worries – you will sort it all out with time – just remember that you get to put the midnight calls on your phone bill not mine.

Imagine a work environment where everyone has their MBTI type label posted on their office door. This may strike some as just terribly efficient. But no No NO NOOOOO…this is just bad practice and a misuse of the MBTI or any other assessment tool IMHO.

People are NOT any label that you might hang on them, and this way of viewing the use of assessment tools does a disservice to everyone. MBTI professionals are very careful in their language to make the distinction. They will talking about “those with a preference for Extraversion” as opposed to “those who ARE Extraverts”. People are wonderfully complex and they definitely should not be limited by any label. People HAVE a preference – they AREN’T their preference. This distinction matters.

When you hang a sign on a door that limits possibilitites for genuine engagement. People can make all kinds of false assumptions based on too little information and misunderstanding. It is an act that separates us from each other rather than building true connection and compassion.

Knowing that someone may have a different type helps me to understand how they process information and make decisions differently from my way of being. I don’t have to take their behaviour as a problem or weird or even better than mine – simply different. If I spend some time observing myself I may even come to appreciate the benefit of how their type handles some situations where my way of processing may have blind spots.

Yes – use the MBTI to learn how to communicate with other styles. Yes – use the MBTI to find work that fits your natural ways of being. Yes – use the MBTI to learn to see and appreciate each other and to share in a way that builds trust. This approach involves real conversation about our different perspectives and a desire to learn and understand those with whom we work. Putting type labels on office doors may do the opposite – contributing to judgment and alienation. Don’t do it even if you think people will be okay with it – it may seem harmless but it isn’t.

Later this month Master Coach Mike Jay is answering any burning questions on the Myers Briggs Type Indicator that I can bring to the table. Mike has a depth of knowledge of the MBTI that includes theory and the theory in action. As well as being a generous teacher, Mike is dedicated to lifelong learning and development. His innovative ideas in collaborative learning, leadership and business innovation have brought him recognition in coaching and business circles globally.

As part of the B/Coach training program that Mike developed, coaches are introduced to an array of assessment tools. Mike understands business reality and he understands human dynamics. The models, principles and theories that coaches in the B/Coach and Leadership University programs are introduced to are enriched with this depth of knowledge and practical experience. One thing that coaching training revealed to me is that having a personal committment to my ongoing learning and development was an essential part of my coaching practice.

I have noticed that many of my teachers and mentors share a generosity in sharing their wisdom. “Over delivering” is a thread that is common to them all – they incorporates an openness and availability to enable learning – much more than a “data dump” it involves helping people integrate and apply the learning.

Recently an interest in the MBTI surfaced in conversation within the Leadership University learning community and Mike stepped in with this generous offer. I am collecting my thoughts so that I am prepared to make the most of this opportunity.

I am asking you to add to the list I am preparing by submitting any questions you may have about the MBTI by February 15th. What are you curious about that might help improve your business life and working relationships? I plan to forward them to Mike before the session and to write up his responses later on in a blog post.

Today, the Huffington Post carried an interesting article that Eve Ensler, the American playwright, performer, feminist and activist best known for “The Vagina Monologues” wrote about Sarah Palin.

In this article Ensler comes out with a strong voice that speaks to not only Feminism but the perspective that emerges from the archetype of the feminine.

I don’t like raging at women. I am a Feminist and have spent my life trying to build community, help empower women and stop violence against them. It is hard to write about Sarah Palin. This is why the Sarah Palin choice was all the more insidious and cynical. The people who made this choice count on the goodness and solidarity of Feminists.

But everything Sarah Palin believes in and practices is antithetical to Feminism which for me is part of one story — connected to saving the earth, ending racism, empowering women, giving young girls options, opening our minds, deepening tolerance, and ending violence and war.

Looking at this from a perspective of type, it is clear that there is no one preference, attitude or type that describes what makes women tick. Some women live in a man’s world, and they may adopt an approach that comes out of a very masculine orientation especially in their business life. There are simply no assumptions to be made here about ALL women or even any individual woman (or man for that matter) at a particular time and place.

Personality type may give you more clues about how to best interact with someone at work or at play than counting on gender to give you any insight into what they think or how they might behave.