No one can teach like someone who’s been there. Lisa Petrilli is a self-disclosed Introvert as well as an accomplished business woman who has run a $750 million business and negotiated pharmaceutical contracts with top global companies. In an article in the Harvard Business Review Petrelli talks about the contribution that learning strategies for networking made to her early success.

The only people that I have met that really love networking are people who run networking organizations and events. The truth is that many Extraverts find networking a challenge, but not in the same energy-draining way that Introverts might.

Petrilli’s top tips:

• Embrace having a preference for Introversion. She suggests that many Introverts in business see Introversion as something to overcome. Once a person embraces their natural inclination to spend time alone reflecting, they can refine their ideas and be prepared to make a powerful impact by what they have to contribute to the conversation.
• Petrilli has reframed networking from a large scale social onslaught to a series of one on one conversations. The benefits include creating better business relationships and being less drained by the experience.
• She suggests using Social Media or other ways of connecting to reach out ahead of an event to people who you know will be attending, telling them that you are looking forward to meeting them. This pre-introduction paves the way to making connecting more comfortable.
• If this way of pre- connecting isn’t possible, Petrilli suggests that it made a difference to her when she realized that if she took the initiative in introducing herself that others responded positively. She saw the benefit to her in reaching out first as doing this on her terms, as opposed to the whim of others.
• Her final piece of advice is to resist the temptation to go directly to the next  event or meeting. Taking a half an hour or so to recharge will allow you to be fully engaged in the next thing on your schedule. It will also help to keep  from building a negative story about networking being an energy drain.

Her final word…

Introverts who avoid networking are making a critical career mistake. Being an adroit networker is non-negotiable — and not as hard as it might seem.

In her book “The Power of Introverts: A Manifesto for Quiet Brilliance” author Susan Cain talks about the bias in society towards Extraverts and the impact that has on the 1/3 to 1/2 of the population that has a preference for Introversion. In an interview in Scientific America Cain discusses the fallacy of “groupwork” in schools, and points to research showing that it can reduce creativity and productivity. Cain likeness the way Introverts are treated today to the way women were viewed in the 50’s. She claims that this has led many to present themselves as Extraverts when their preference would clearly have them enjoying more time in solitude. Well worth a read.

The Power of Introverts_ A Manifesto for Quiet Brilliance_ Scientific American

Oh yes Virigina, we all project aspects of ourselves onto others – both the good and the shadow. This is an unconscious act propelled by our defense mechanisms. This focusing outward to look for the source of what is happening leads us to give positive attribution to others for the things that we like about ourselves and conversely hold some others who share the qualities that we deem as negative in a bad light. Each Enneagram type will project according to the worldview of their type: for example, sixes reading the danger in the other. Hopefully we grow to realize that we often misread reality in this way. Although we may recognize that projection exists,. this awareness does not give us a “Get out of jail free” card from projecting. We evolve, but few of us transcend our human foibles.

I recently had the pleasure of introducing the Enneagram to a Grade Nine student. I was “cautiously optimistic” in my own very Sixish way that this would be something that would be of value to her. Remember back in high school and the minefield of relationships that that environment holds… projection on steroids. My hope was that understanding the Enneagram would shift things from a view that “somethings wrong with me or somethings wrong with them” to having an understanding of nine different worldviews. In that light different behaviour and beliefs makes sense.

One of the things that we used were Riso and Hudson’s Enneagram cards which were valuable in having a conversation about various aspects of personality, how we all process differently and levels of health in individuals. It was exciting to see someone curious, quick and open to learning and the difference it made in having the Enneagram explain what might be happening in the interactions between various types. Perhaps the halls won’t of the local high school won’t appear as much as a jungle when armed with a roadmap of the inhabitants.

Just in case you think that you are far far removed from how you reacted in high school… When was the last time that you were in a meeting or waiting at a service counter and thought that someone was out to yank your chain on purpose? Hmmmm…..

Let’s suppose that you were told that Vengeance was one of your motivators. People often frame this in a more personal way as “I am vengeful.” Would you have a reaction to this in your profile?

When you are working with personality assessments, you need to make sure that everyone understands the meaning of the terminology being used in this particular circumstance. As a general rule the terms used to describe personality types or traits are neutral and imply no preferred value.

According to the Reiss Motivation Profile “Vengeance” is the desire to get even with others, the need to strike back. Aggression in animals is an example of the evolutionary basis of vengeance. The emotions associated with vengeance are anger and hate. At a primal level high desire for vengeance is and “eye for an eye” view of life. Another way of looking at this is that these high vengeance people believe that “it’s up to you” and the best way to do things is to simply take charge and get things done. A word that could also be used to describe vengeance that is more palatable is competitive. This motivation can propel sports teams to victory or turn around a failing organization. However, we all know people who love to argue just for the sake of it. There is pleasure for them in pushing back, sparring and defending their position. They love to prove other people wrong. On the downside this is the territory of dictators and despots.

On the other side of the scale, at the low end of the scale, people who score low in “Vengeance” are agreeable and will turn the other cheek. There are some people who wouldn’t strike back even if their life was in danger. This type of person may find that others take advantage of them.

These traits do not go away. If we don’t find a positive, constructive way to get these needs met they will raise their heads in possibly ugly ways. Rather than judging a desire such as “Vengeance” as negative or troublesome design a way to to get this need met such as regular athletic competition. If this is a trait you recognize in others, can you see the positive contribution?

As a sidebar: This painting was part of a show of paintings that I did based on the Reiss. A man came into the gallery and as he was reading the list of 16 core motivators on the Reiss profile, he came to argue with me about Vengeance. He said that he didn’t believe in it as it wasn’t necessary. If anyone got in his way he just “dealt” with them. As he turned to see the artwork hanging in the show, this painting caught his eye and without knowing that it that represented “Vengeance”, he told me that he liked THIS one.

Each letter is made from quotes that capture the energy of “Vengeance” such as “If you aren’t the lead dog the scenery never changes.” I resisted the urge to say “Gotcha” (barely ).

You don’t need to know a person’s Enneagram type to recognize that they might be currently in the grip of a particular Enneagram energy however fleeting the moment. I recently had a request for information from someone who watched one of my painting videos on YouTube.

The word “worry” occurred several times in reference to various aspects of their work… in not one but in two emails. This is territory that an Enneagram Six knows like the back of the hand.

The issue for Sixes is trust – trust in the exterior world and trust in self.

Mastery through practice is an antidote to worry and doubt.

Good advice no matter your type.

PS. Here’s a post I wrote in response to question in her second email. By the way I actually sometimes take my own advice. Do you take yours?