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Getting to know who we are ought to be easy. We look at ourselves in the mirror everyday. That only gives us a snapshot or perhaps a delusion if we think that is all there is. Using the MBTI as a tool for gaining self knowledge is an excellent choice, but as my response to this reader’s request illustrates it isn’t always accomplished with a first glance.

Can you do an article about ENFP and INFP differences?
I’m NFP but don’t know whether E or I.
(To make things more complicated I’m Enneagram 3 which is externally focused, so it is confusing me.)

When people first meet the MBTI model, they often look at it as a collection of preferences. So they try to decide am I really “Extroverted” or am I more “Introverted”. The four letters that make up the MBTI type are really a code that determines how the four functions of Intuiting, Sensing, Thinking and Feeling interact. This means that a person with preferences for INFP has a different dominant or leading function than a person with ENFP preferences. I sometimes think of dominant function as a persons first language. While we use all functions they are not all used equally and this flavours how we show up in the world.

The INFP leads with Introverted Feeling. They approach life looking through a lens of what is important and what is of value in a universal context. They can see the subtle differences in a constellation of factors such as the relative value of all the component parts involved – the various groups, the individual people, their actions, the beliefs and thinking underlying the issue. All of this is measured against their own inner value system to see what is in alignment and what isn’t.

The INFP “loves” the authentic in people and draws that out in them. Integrity, harmony, values and identity are words that resonate with the INFP. They are interested in what is deep and meaningful to the individual and they are not interested in people who don’t live up to their ideals.

On the other hand ENFPs lead with Extroverted Intuition. Having this dominant function is like having radar for the unspoken, the random occurrences surrounding a situation and a sudden knowing of what it all means. Brainstorming is like oxygen and the ENFP floats possibilities out to see which ones will rise to the top. They often follow several tangents at once without attachment and this ability allows them to navigate change as part of exploring life.

The ENFP is an inspiration junkie and wants to inspire and be inspired. They are known for their enthusiasm but have to watch to temper their enthusiasm with reality.

Your Dominant Function
Again it comes down to how do you know? The best way is always to combine taking the MBTI assessment tool through a certified practitioner combined with the coaching they will offer to do a self- determination of type.

I also recommend getting curious over a period of time and becoming a detached observer of your behaviour. On a personal note- even though I spend oodles of time alone and have become less and less social over time – the ENFP dominant function of Extroverted Intuition stands out a mile. Not only do I experience it I hear feed-back from others that this is what they experience too. At the same time I know that while I appreciate deep meaningful conversation I have no interest in sustaining that in the same way an INFP can and does.

The Step 2 Distinctions
To go back to the attitudes of Introversion and Extroversion for a moment. When I use the MBTI, I prefer the Step 2 inventory which breaks down each of the preference pairs into 5 sub-pairs.
People may be out-of-preference on one side of the equation that differs from their type code and this not only adds a layer of complexity but also explains a lot.

One individual who stands out had results that said he was ENTP but he was out-of-preference on the Introverted side for 2 of the 5 distinctions for Extroversion and Introversion. He determined that INTP was a better fit for who he was and how he operated in real life. The team that reported to him also gained an understanding of how to best communicate with him. They could see that he “went to his cave” literally and figuratively at times and yet he would respond when asked so that they had permission to ask.

Also I have seen it work that understanding potential out-of-preference distinctions allowed the person to be really comfortable with their MBTI results and yet fit in this seemingly confusing aspect of their behaviour. One person who typed as an Extrovert was out-of-preference for one of the 5 distinctions on the Introverted side. He was able to explain to his team that there were times were he felt quite shy. The team members confessed that they had experienced this and felt that understanding this distinction helped them not to take this shift in behaviour personally.

As for the Enneagram
Each of these personality tools needs to be first looked at on their own before trying to see how they work along side each other. They do not readily overlap in all places and even so experts do not agree on how they do. My ENFP preferences are not typical for an Enneagram 6 but make sense to me when I see my strong 7 wing.

My suggestion is to look at these 2 tools as separate entities for now. The Enneagram is not a fast study IMHO so be okay with being curious. You are simply fascinating and worth the time investment to explore.

I’d love to hear if this helped you come to a landing place and also love to hear how others resolve MBTI type confusion.

Are you like me in that most of your friends are in a similar kind of work? Most of our family friends are independent business owners, consultants/coaches or professionals working in their own practice – all this laced with a smattering of entrepreneur. One implication of this is that a dinner party with friends, some of whom are of high school vintage, will include our accountant, bookkeeper, lawyer, security system provider, graphic designer, software wizard etc. etc. It works both ways as some friends who are coaches/consultants engage me to facilitate planning sessions personally or as a collaborative venture with their clients and some friends have my art on their walls.

Understanding the MBTI type of your friends may provide insight if there is the odd bump in the road in your everyday interactions. However when you do business together the value of understanding differences and appreciating where the person is coming from and how to communicate with them more effectively can be a critical factor in maintaining a strong relationship on a professional level. Of course keeping things going smoothly has huge implications on a personal level.

Some people may caution against working with friends. My approach is to take it on a case by case basis. Some people you can work with and with others you need to trust your gut. If working together would place too much strain on your friendship, it is not worth the temptation of working with someone who knows you well.

On the other hand one side implication is that you get to see your friend in a different context. If this context is stressful, it may have some negative side effects. However, the other day I was amazed and delighted to have the pleasure of seeing someone I have known for years in the midst of using their expertise. They were masterful beyond anything I had expected and it was a joy to behold. I have learned so much from my friends and appreciate the gifts that they share in my life

What is your policy about working with friends?

A reader asks “What do you think about a (F) 4 and a (M) 5 in relationship?”

It is not the best use of the Enneagram or any model of personality to use it as a predictor. However the Enneagram can be a resource to understand a particular dynamic that may be currently influencing the interaction between two people or that might potentially influence their relationship. Don Riso and Russ Hudson talk about Levels of Development for each type. All types can be in relationship with any other type. The biggest influencer is the health of an individual. Health in this sense has to do with what level of development the person “hangs out in” the most – how aware they are about the impact they are making on others, how mindful they are in the present and how much they take responsibility for their actions. Anyone addicted to the hero, villain or victim role can prove toxic to any relationship.

Most of the time people don’t drive out the Enneagram in their everyday conversations about how they are getting along. When something does arise that interrupts the connection or natural flow between two people, the Enneagram shines a bright light on what is in play and can show a way to shift the energy of what is happening.

Both Four and Five are withdrawing types, so they can be caught up in their own interior world. For the Five that world is one of intellectual abstraction. The Five pulls back from the impingement of emotional entanglement to observe and gather information. The Four is all about understanding the territory of the heart and the subtleties of emotional tonality. The trick is to find the way into each others world. The Four will need to give space for the Five and modify their considerable demand for attention. Consider the alternative – the more the Four demands a “connection” the further the Five retreats to protect their need for the safety of emotional detachment.

The Five can benefit hugely from understanding the world of feelings and learning to recognize and stay with their own feelings. While Fours and Fives are on the opposite poles of emotional connection, they have the most to learn from each other. This pairing can go either way ending with both parties contracting further into their own interior realm or meeting in the middle and consequently balancing out their own tendencies.

For more information see Helen Palmer’s “The Enneagram in Love and Work”. Riso and Hudson have a rich on-line resource for members.

As a final comment – my aunt once gave me a life lesson for which I am grateful. She questioned me about the word “relationship”. She said that it was LOVE that mattered. That shifts the conversation and the kinds of things that matter, where you focus your attention and what you are willing to do to nurture the love.

I am currently on the West Coast of Canada in Victoria B.C.. Yoga studios, coffee shops, organic gardening and healthy living are in evidence everywhere. I am here hanging out with my kids so it could also be that the laid back active healthy lifestyle is a total reflection of their life choices.

In any case I have met Steve. Steve is a fascinating ENFP, as if all ENFP’s myself included, aren’t fascinating. As of February 1st Steve announced the end of his Fall/Winter regimen. Steve is the UBER outdoorsman and he is going into serious training to be ready for all the activities the warmer weather brings.

Canadians typically shift our eating patterns from the warm comfort food we crave in the cold weather to eating lighter fare in the summer. However, Steve was so intentional about his approach. It struck me that the simplicity of this focus made such sense and works for a “perceiver” to have lots of wiggle room and not feel tied down by a rigid schedule. Such a seasonal approach is not for everyone but this definitely works for Action-oriented Steve.

I love it when real life situations inspire a “doodle” – one of my MBTI cartoons. I had scheduled a day of work with a friend, who happens to have a preference for Perceiving, when towards the late afternoon she asked if we could continue in the evening as she had other things scheduled.

Work horse that I am, I had to ask what could possibly interrupt our work flow. A big grin crossed her face as she announced that this was a “S” day and that as well as working with me she also had a swim time planned followed by Scrabble.

I laughed thinking that it was a coincidence that everything started with an “S”, but when I asked what letter day the next day was she rattled off the items all starting with “C” with such a straight face as if it was the most natural way of scheduling one’s day.

I realize this an unprofessional question but I wonder “Do P”s have more fun?”

In self-development work it seems to me that people often fall in love with the first assessment tool that offered them some insight. The Enneagram is that tool for me. This model of nine worldviews and ways of focusing attention was the first window that allowed me to see that how I was in the world made sense in the larger scheme of things. At the same time it held up a mirror so that for the first time I understood the concept of “blindspot” and how mine played out in my thinking and behaviour.

During a recent visit to Victoria British Columbia I attended an Introduction to the Enneagram workshop hosted by Kira MacDuffee and Edward Colley. Both Kira and Edward use the Enneagram as a lens in their work with clients as Clinical Counsellors so they have an intimate familiarity with the model.

While their presentation was chock full of useful and practical applications of the the model what I appreciated most was just how grounded their teaching was in the deeper meanings offered by the Enneagram. One of the things that initially appealed to me about the Enneagram was illustrated by the respectful approach taken by my first teachers. Kira and Edward made a point of setting the training in a historical context and helping us make the distinction between finding our type as an orientation – a home base and using it as yet another way to excuse or restrict ourselves. They reinforced the importance of not using the model label but rather to understand possible dynamics between essence qualities and how our personality acts to compensate for loss of connection with that essence quality.

The participants in the workshop responded to this approach willingly engaging in exercises designed to mark out how aspects of the various types are alive for each of us. One woman, an Enneagram Four expressed the impact of taking an online Enneagram assessment, ” When I got my Enneagram results it was one of the few times I’d felt seen and by a computer at that!”

The reminder that the Enneagram is a map of how we have lost our connection to our central nature, a look at our strategy to avoid pain was enough to remind me why I fell in love with it in the first place. It has helped me develop compassion for myself and others.

Thank you Kira and Edward

There have been surveys done on the MBTI profiles of Twitter users, and now in a recent post on his blog, Life Coach Yost asks what about Facebook. As a self -disclosed INTJ, Yost admits to the natural fit between his preferences and Twitter which he took to right away. Perhaps the attraction in part is that Twitter, apart from the 140 character limit, allows him to interact on his own terms. That 140 character limit might be a real bonus feature to an INTJ in terms of tailoring the responses that they receive from others…short and sweet and to the point.

Facebook is another story. I am curious what makes it seem so different? Not only is there the possibility of greater, well longer, interactions but perhaps the fact that followers are called “friends” adds another level of commitment to the relationship.

In his post Yost makes the distinction between the use of Social Media in a business context and personal use. Just to back up a moment to look at some lingering perceptions of Facebook in general, it seems to me that there are many factors that influence one’s ideas about the value of using Facebook for a professional or business person. Many people who have steered clear of using Facebook have the notion that it is for kids, or for family or focused soley on the trivial aspects of one’s social life. I have heard some professionals who fear Facebook because they have concerns about their privacy and the impact that Facebook may have on their reputation.

Facebook may not be for everyone but the territory has shifted and there are increasing numbers of people successfully incorporating Facebook into their overall marketing strategy as one component of their Social Media approach.

To get back to the question Life Coach Yost poses about the value of Facebook. I think that understanding why and how you might want to use it is helpful. Then you have a road map for how you want to engage. As well as having the context of an overall marketing/personal branding strategy, I can imagine using Facebook as a way of connecting with others if you have a special interest or hobby. For someone with INTJ preferences Facebook offers a way to widen the circle of people who may be interested in what you have to offer while at the same time putting you in the driver seat of how and when you wish to interact.

As for the issue of having Facebook be a distraction from engaging with real live breathing friends. I can imagine the seductive nature of this idea. If you are using Facebook as part of your business building, I would not confuse the issue by using it as your mechanism to keep up with friends.

Enter your name and email in the box on the home page

If you find yourself complaining about your work, dreading getting out of bed for yet another day that seems meaningless or dreaming of running away to some remote island, chances are you are not plugged into your genius zone. Before you guffaw, panic or otherwise dismiss the notion of genius, let me reassure you that I am not talking about anything outside of what is real for you. This is the territory that happens when we are in tune with who we are and operating so that we are tapped into our strengths, natural motivation and intrinsic creativity… nothing WOO – WOO to fear here.

The free course that I offer on the home page of my blog site will explain the genius model and give you some ways to explore looking at what this might mean in your life. The end goal is to reallocate how you invest your time, energy and resources so that you spend more time in the creative, enlivening zone of your genius and less in the energy draining approach of being an ongoing fixer upper project.

Working with the genius model is not a one time event but rather an approach or orientation. Some of the suggestions in this course will resonate more for you than others but it is jam-packed with tips and ideas that have worked for people who have used this model to shift how they view their work.

Sign up to receive a link to a genius boost every three days. From these 21 tips you can pick and choose what makes sense for you right now.

I’d love to hear about your genius and how you live in the zone.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sIT7easNGFE

Visioning through collage making is something that I have done with individual clients and teams. The process typically includes some upfront exercises and discussions to clarify the purpose of the exploration and to focus in on what’s important. During the collage making itself participants are encouraged to be spontaneous and allow surprises to happen. And they do!

If time allows my preference is always to work on good quality gessoed canvas with professional quality paint. Colour plays an important role in setting the tone. I want people to be able to paint their canvas the colour that matches their vision. If you just asked what the heck does that mean, it’s not so woo woo. If the next steps will require the intention of passion and drive the colour might be red or orange, if the coming year is one of integration a cooler colour such as blue or green may be the right call. In all the years of doing this people just know what colour they need/want after a few exercises upfront to mine for gold.

Because we integrate the cognitive processes at the beginning, people are more willing to go into a “play” zone, similar to brainstorming where we say YES to everything and then edit down afterward by listening to our intuition and the wisdom of the body as well as our more rational side.

This collage making process integrates nicely with other work:

• Creating a vision of excellent client care for a service organization
• Emerging the leading edge of personal leadership for directors and managers
• Anchoring discoveries during an intact team offsite
• Setting an intention for the upcoming year for independent professionals / coaches /consultants
• Rounding out a business planning session to capture the essence of the new direction
• Illustrating the sweet spot of growth as part of retreat using the Enneagram
• Focusing on what’s important for individuals dealing with cancer

I have had 99% positive response

• From people of all MBTI types
• From senior managers who came into the room shocked and clutching the door who later did a complete 180 dragging me into their office to brag about their piece during the following months
• From coaches who have brought their clients for a joint session. The clients not only gained some insight but by seeing their coach work the level of trust, transparency and deep conversation was enhanced
• From team members who were surprised at what they learned about each other

Because the message of the collage is captured visually with colour and images the person is able to anchor the essence of their intention for what they are focusing on next. I have heard from people who put the collage in their office but also from folks who have theirs in the laundry room or bathroom where they will see it. I have one friend who does an annual collage and swears it is her best planning tool as she almost always completes her vision withing six months.

Collage – have you done one?

ESTP's Hands On TO DO Bulletin Board

There may be as many ways of keeping track of things “to do” as there are MBTI types. This Dominant Sensing ESTP likes to see their To Do’s, move them around as things progress and enjoy seeing them completed with a slam dunk into the garbage can (aka trash). Booyah indeed – making a check mark or putting a line through an item seems lame in comparison.